Do It Now : Personal Growth

Sniffing out the right partner

 When choosing a partner, it’s not your eyes but your nose that can be deceiving. The way a person smells to us is a good indication of compatibility. So much so that in ancient China, the only grounds for divorce was that you couldn’t tolerate your partner’s smell, and were therefore truly incompatible.

I've often wondered if so many of us make bad love choices and marriages because we now disguise or cover up our natural perfumes with deodorants and perfumes. I mean, dogs still seem to sniff us out, but maybe our less sensitive noses are more easily deceived.

The latest finding is that the Pill affects our sense of smell, so that women on the pill are more likely to choose the wrong partner!

What's the lesson here? If you’re not sure that it’s love, get off the pill for a while and take your intended on an extended camping trip without showers!

 

Faith and Healing

At a recent seminar on energy healing, I spoke with a gentle, soft-spoken woman who told me she felt that her body is breaking down bit by bit, and she doesn't know what to do about it. The sadness in her voice did not escape me. I had been through a similar experience, and told her that the only thing that pulled me out of a fast downward spiral was a clear firm decision to become well. I had looked in the hospital mirror and seen death on my face, and determined then and there that no matter what my doctors said or did, I would do all I could to live and become healthy. 'Yes', she said. 'That's what I want to do, but nothing seems to work'.

Maybe you don't trust that you will be healed, I suggested. Yes, she said, she found it very difficult to trust. I too had been full of fear and despair, and completely without trust Yet without trust or faith in something ...in myself,  in others, in the universal life force, or God...how can I find hope, be optimistic?

So the hardest task on the road to healing, I told her, was to learn to trust. It was not easy, and I often fell back into hopelessness, telling myself that I was just fooling myself...pretending or thinking wishfully. I also had to dig deep to get at the root of my distrust of the world and myself, and it was sometimes painful. Yet to my surprise, once I undertook that journey, it was as though life itself rose up to meet me halfway and give me a helping hand.

I discovered how many people really cared about me and wanted to help, and I gratefully accepted their good wishes and prayers, drum chants and hugs. Instead of pretending that I could do it all alone, I welcomed and embraced  the love that flowed in my direction with frank joy and gratitude.

 I began, for the first time since I was a small child, to feel the loving presence of God within me, not as an idea but as a living consciousness. My dreams were filled with helping hands and guides. In one dream, I was led to the edge of nothingness..I saw nothing but darkness and emptiness...and told to walk over the edge. I was terrified, but I did it anyway, thinking, 'I might die either way, so I will risk it'. Yet though I fell gently, slowly down into deep emptiness, I was aware of the protective presence of elders, and let go of fear.

I told all these things to a woman I did not know because I saw that she felt as I had once felt, that her world, even her beliefs about the world and the whole scaffolding that had held up her life were collapsing, and there was nothing left to hold on to. And what I said resonated with her, and seemed to give her hope.

I told her how I had to build trust out of small things, but that once I began trusting, I received the 'proof'. I discovered that unlike science, which develops beliefs based on evidence and proof, the soul must first grow faith and trust (which means believing when you don't have evidence) before it can see the proof. Once I began to have faith, I began to feel and see love and generosity all around me, and to experience my prayers and expectations being answered.

Why had I not seen all of this before? I realised that in order to develop faith, true faith in ourselves and our world, we must put aside the negativity, fear and doubt that we have accumulated over the years. We can't just blame the parents. Most parents do the best they can with what they've got, including self-doubt and negative thinking instilled by their parents. We must each journey through fear and confusion for ourselves, and discover courage, trust and confidence within ourselves.

Perhaps that is one of the great lessons we learn from serious illness. It throws us back onto ourselves, and we can choose to either take the path to wholeness and healing, whether or not we recover from the physical condition, or to continue in fear, self-doubt, or negativity.

Thanks, Marjorie, for reminding me.

SOME INFORMATION ON TOXINS

Toxic overload is a major factor in allergy and disease.

 

It is what happens when too many toxins have accumulated in your body. Even small amounts of different toxins build up over time until your body is simply not able to cope with them. You may not be able to get rid of all the toxins you and your family are exposed to outside the home, but you can make your home a safe haven. To do that you must reduce the total toxic load by removing as many of the toxins as you can from your home..... 

If you want the rest of this 5 page article, please either leave a comment on this blog or email me directly at doitnow@dodo.com.au . It's just too long to put on the blog, but I want to spread the word about how we are being affected by toxins, and what we can do to avoid at least some of them.

For our good health, and the health of this glorious blue pearl on which we live, Tosca.

Stop Procrastinating, and Start Feeling Good About Yourself

Why do we procrastinate? Because for a while, we feel good. Instead of doing a task, or a risking failure, or facing whatever demon is holding us back, we do something else…have fun, laze around, or do something less challenging.

But we are not free. When we procrastinate, we end up feeling guilty, ashamed, anxious, and more stressed…and the task looms over us like a great dark ghost.

I used to be very good at fabricating reasons to procrastinate: the wrong time, the wrong mood, other stuff to do, family business….even asking myself, ‘Will this task really matter when I’m lying on my deathbed?’ (Of course it won't! But I won't feel as fulfilled or as good about myself as I could have).

What a price we can pay for putting off the things we must do!

For one thing, procrastination creates stress. One study found that college students who procrastinate have lowered immunity and more gastrointestinal problems. You get that tight knot in your stomach whenever you think of the task, and may break into a sweat. I had full blown anxiety attacks over things I kept putting off, and I’d wake up at night in a panic, or  feeling overwhelmed You might not go that far, but you won’t have any peace of mind.

When we get into procrastinating mode, our self-esteem takes a terrible beating. We can start to feel generally unworthy, incompetent, like a failure, even though we might do many things very well.

Human beings are creative beings. We need time just to daydream and enjoy life, but we build our sense of competence from getting things done. Procrastination leaves us feeling incompetent. If we make a habit of procrastination, we end up even losing faith in ourselves.

Dr. Hans Selye, the world expert on stress, says that the downward spiral of feeling incompetent and lacking confidence often lead to a sense of helplessness. Once that sets in, we begin to truly sink into hopelessness, and that is a deep and dark well indeed.

So stop procrastinating now, and you will find peace of mind and actually enjoy your free time more.

• First, keep a list of things you need to do…a separate list for each area, such as work, home, family, self.
• Prioritise the things according to how urgent they are, then how important they are.
• If you can delegate any of the urgent or most important tasks, do so. (If you’ve got kids, now’s the time to remind them that all privileges come with responsibility)
• Put your list up on the wall or where you can see it every day
• Start tackling the most urgent or most important task first. If you’re already behind schedule, tell the relevant person that you are on the task, and give a finish  date. 
  
• Do one task at a time, and finish it.
  
• Don’t aim for perfection. Do the best job you can at that time, and settle for good enough.
• Tick off each finished task
• Give yourself a reward every time you finish a task on your list (something you don’t normally give yourself, such as a bunch of flowers, a good coffee at a favourite café, a manicure, a day – not more - doing absolutely nothing…)
• Then move onto the next task…and so on.

Before you know it, you’ll have achieved a lot, and start feeling really good about yourself.

 

As Young as You Think

I never feel my age so much as when facing technical difficulties, as I did this past month, struggling with internet setups, different providers, configurations, broadband, dialup, wireless broadband, email setups....why even the language sounds alien! When it comes to technology, I feel about as ancient as Joan of Arc would have felt in the 1960's (my turf)...and about as heroic in my battle to make sense of it all.

Sorry to have been away for so long, but I just wanted to change my broadband provider. Big mistake. It left me with no internet, no email and no phone for over 3 weeks. Anyway, enough wingeing. I'm starting to sound like a crochety old lady.

And that's what I want to talk about: Aging.

Like most other important things in life, age is mostly in the mind.

Oh I can hear you out there exclaiming, 'Well I certainly didn't think myself into this old face and body!', but to some degree, I believe you did. Aside from the inevitable signs of a life lived...wrinkles, sagging bits and pieces, greying hair, and various aches and pains...much of what we see in the mirror or feel in our bones is a result of our deep, unconscious beliefs, and our attitudes.

I remember a few years ago, after multiple surgeries due to a hospital infection (dangerous places, hospitals), I caught myself hunching over, walking in little tentative old lady steps, my face drawn into grimaces of pain, even though the pain had long gone. What a shock!

I realised that during my previous health problems, I had learned to think, move and feel like a worn out, very fragile, listless old woman. I was beginning to think like one, and I even dressed like one.

No way, I decided, and straightened up, fixed a smile onto my face, lifted my eyebrows, and did two or three laps up and down my stairs (oooh, that hurt!) Then I marched my aching muscles to the shop, and for the first time in my life, bought bright pink lipstick. And no lie, my health, energy, attitude...even my outlook on aging... improved from then on.

I feel better now than I did 20 years ago, and I love being 60 years old.

Yes, my lifestyle has a lot to do with it, but mostly, it's a matter of attitude.

A 2002 Yale study of over 50's showed that those with a positive perception of aging lived on average more than seven years longer than those with a negative perception.

Epidemiologist Becca Levy, who led that study, is now talking about the aging effects of negative perceptions of aging. She's found that being exposed to negative perceptions of aging increases stress levels in older people. Words expressing age stereotypes such as 'fragile', 'feeble', 'forgetful', and treating older people that way can actually result in higher stress, poor memory, poor balance and a shorter life. (Here I am with my lively, mid-60's friend, Ritva, who's currently writing her fascinating autobiography)

Researchers at the University of Kansas reported that 'elderspeak' led to lower confidence and self-esteem, depression, decreased independence, and withdrawal in older people.

Elderspeak includes the use of terms often used on the elderly like 'dear', 'dearie', sweetie', using the tone one would use when talking with children, and talking about the person as though they weren't there (for example, asking a son for his mother's contact details when she's sitting right there).

And that, son of mine, includes calling your mother 'old lady'!

So watch what you tell yourself about aging, and if others talk to you as though you're senile, tell them to go irritate someone else. Then get out there and enjoy your life!