When Things Go Wrong

For a few days, an ill wind seemed to blow around here, and after it passed, I reflected a while on what had happened. Not the small series of misfortunes to me and some friends, but how we had reacted to them.

You see, for many of us, the first reaction to misfortune is fear...not necessarily wild panic, but fear... a sudden loss of confidence in ourselves...a perhaps temporary but alarming suspicion that maybe the world really is a hostile, uncaring place.

That in itself is no cause for alarm. Humans are emotional beings, so of course we react emotionally to the changes in our lives. And because our reactions are often dominated by our egos, we take things very personally. It's not just a leaky roof but ....why me? why MY roof? Why now, just when I'm expecting guests?

Many people can quickly pull themselves out of fear, and start taking practical steps to resolve the problem. These are the optimists in life.

But if we hold onto those first fearful reactions, as many do, we can begin a descent into pessimism, and find ourselves unable to regain a wider, more balanced perspective. As we focus on the problem and the distress we feel, our perception grows more and more narrow. Our fear 'feeds' our distress, and soon, we begin to see only what is wrong around us, or with us. As a result, we do not see the easy solutions and more cheerful perspectives that are always available to us, and get caught up in a cycle of negativity.

Unless we correct this thinking, our negativity becomes not just a passing attitude, but the lens through which we see the world and our experiences. Before we know it, everything seems impossibly difficult; we start to see the worst in people around us and our confidence and trust in life and ourselves plummet.

That's what can easily happen when we have no safety net to catch us before we begin to fall.

What kind of a safety net do I mean? Not just people. A social network of friends and family who can help bring other perspectives to our situation, and help us see things differently.  But what if we are surrounded by pessimists (a gloomy thought!) or others are so caught up in their own troubles, perhaps even in the same situation as you? What safety net can we rely on then?

There is a stronger net than the social network, one that can catch us even when we are alone, or when everyone around us is leading us astray. It is the power of TRUST...the willingness to see past our ego-driven fear and self-doubt, past the belief in selfishness, scarcity and danger, and to align ourselves with the inherent goodness and abundance of life.

If you think that trust is some Pollyanna notion, I can assure you it is not. I discovered the power of trust for myself over and again when it was a last resort for me in desperate times. It literally saved my life...not once, but several times. So despite a natural scepticism and deep-seated self-doubt, when I am about to fall,  I choose to trust...in myself, in others, in God and in life. It has not yet let me down.

Trust is a choice and it takes courage, and it makes life possible. We get into our cars every day trusting in the machinery and that others will not intentionally crash into us or harm us. We get up each morning trusting that the world is more or less as we left it when we slept, and that we are able to function in it. As children, we trust that our parents will care for us, and that we will eventually walk and learn to talk. We trust that every storm will eventually end, and that we are able to cope with the many events and situations that we face every day...and we usually do.

When we cannot muster even this basic level of trust, we recognise that something is seriously wrong, and in need of correction. Or for some of us, trust was early destroyed and is not easily recovered, so we must work to rebuild it.

So next time you react with anger, irritation, anxiety or fear, it might be very helpful to ask yourself, 'What can I trust to help me?' ...Your own intelligence, effort and will?  Others who have proven themselves trustworthy?   Clear communication with the other person?  Cooperation?  Your past experience?  God?  Your body's healing ability?  Life's own workings? 

Whatever you can find to give you hope, use it, and use it with faith that it will indeed help you. If you do this consistently, no matter what, and refuse to let doubt or fear rule your thinking, you will find yourself gaining more and more confidence....and gaining a deeper, more stable sense of trust. Just thinking, "I will trust" is not enough to change your behaviour. Act AS IF you completely trust whatever you put your trust in. Put aside fear and doubt.